At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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