So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm like, not good at living.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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