i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
