new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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