I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
