What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
