I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
