i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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