i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
