id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
