Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
how does that bad decision feel?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
