Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
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I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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