Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
