The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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