Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers

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(518): View more from New York

They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.

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(404): View more from Georgia

it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids

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(616): View more from Michigan

Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you

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(314): View more from Missouri

A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection

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(803): View more from South Carolina

We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.

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(702): View more from Nevada

there is another microwave in the elevator.

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