I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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