I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
