your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
