Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Randomize
