Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The air was thick with penises
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
