I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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