i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
