Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
