I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
