Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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