He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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