So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize