if you like me you must not know who I am
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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