P.S. I can't hear my feet
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
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He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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