Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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