some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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