On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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