I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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