I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
