Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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