Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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