I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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