***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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