just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
