They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
