The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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