I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize