I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
