I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
