I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize