can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I want her autograph on my taint
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
