not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
