So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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