So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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