i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
