clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
