He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
