I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
