You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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