So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
