Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
