Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
