have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
