also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
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As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
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I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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