What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
