if i can run in heels then i can drive
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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